Dating & Relationships

How to change your mindset to stop sabotaging your love life

People think that love has nothing to do with our minds, but like any other part of our reality is a product of our mindset. Our mindset redirects our attention and our actions, thus bringing into reality whatever we envision deeply. If you believe that you are a victim of others and that you will always be emotionally abused, you are going to be attracted to people and situations that will make that a reality. If you believe that you deserve to be loved for who you are and that you are going to find your special someone one day, your attention and actions will be redirected to make it a reality.

We don’t realize how many mental blockages we have from our childhood until we sit down and ponder on it. As kids, we are a sponge of information and patterns, and we absorb everything we see around us, especially from our parents. If there were any dysfunctional emotional patterns in your childhood, you will tend to adopt the same patterns yourself as well. That’s because our brain is designed to mimic what others do, that’s how we survive and thrive as a species. But when those patterns are not filtered and pondered upon, we can easily have some automatic behaviors that harm our emotional life.

The first step to change your mindset is to identify what are the mental habits that sabotage your love life. Think about all the bad associations with love that you have in your head. For example, some of those that I heard when I was a kid included “love makes you weak”, “love hurts”, “there is no such thing as true love” and so forth. Imagine going in life with these blueprints in your head, while your subconscious mind works automatically on them to make them real. The results will be tragic. These patterns were created by people that got hurt in love and interpreted it in a negative way. Using these patterns creates the reality of having the same life.

The second step is to replace these emotional blockages with something positive that will help you get the love life you want. For example, “love makes you stronger”, “unconditional love doesn’t hurt, not knowing how to love does”,”true love exists and start from within” etc. By having positive thinking habits and positive expectations towards your love life, will help you get attracted to situations and people that will make it a reality. You will create the reality that you envision in your mind.

It happened to me too. I learned a couple of years ago, that in order to find your soulmate, you must first define clearly on paper how does she (or he) look like. So I took a piece of paper and I wrote on it all the qualities that I want to find in my wife, with as many details as possible. I also wrote on another piece of paper what kind of man do I have to become in order to deserve and attract her. Long story short, 2 years later I found my soulmate that matched exactly my description.

So that’s the third step I advise you to take. Be very clear about what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want beside you all your life. Vague goals lead to vague results. Don’t let something important as your love life be a creation of randomness and outside influence. Design your own love story, become the perfect partner and you will find the lover that you want.

About Cornel Manu

Author of two self-help books and blogger, Cornel Manu dedicated his life helping others improve their lives and achieve their potential. His latest book "Self-Confidence For Success", provides in-depth actionable tips to help you become a strong and confident person that achieves anything you desire. You can get it at

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